By Rama Gaind
PS News Books
By Kay Schubach (Michael Joseph, $29.95, softcover, 280 pages)
By writing a starkly honest self-appraisal of the consequences of a violent relationship, Kay Schubach has endeavoured to’ redeem’ herself for not being courageous enough to report her claims of abuse to police.
This is a true story of what happens when the man of your dreams makes your life a nightmare. It’s not sweet, but it will amaze: an account that acts as a deterrent to the hazards of a dangerous liaison.
Schubach traded her champagne lifestyle of mixing with celebrities for one where she was physically and emotionally abused, feeling terrified for her life.
A chance meeting with Simon Lowe was an exhilarating attraction and she chose to discard her life’s certainties for love. Quickly the romance turned to anguish when she discovered his dark side not long after they moved in together.
Lowe (currently serving time in prison) went from charismatic to commanding, captivating to menacing. He was possessive and aggressive.
Schubach defied the advice of loved ones and knew what she was doing was risky, but she didn’t know to what degree. “I thought I was jaywalking; I didn’t expect to get hit by a truck”.
Becoming vulnerable was due to a number of mitigating factors including turning 40, loss of childbearing years, frustration at a relationship that had ‘stultified’, her craving for love.
“My sense of self-preservation prevented me from standing up to him then. He had scared me to death”.
There is honesty in self-assessment: Schubach went from shock, to anger and disgust with herself to self-blame, shame and sadness, to justification, acceptance and finally to strength.
Commiserations aside, it’s disturbing to think how such an intellectual, proficient woman could put up with the cruelty even for a day and lose her feelings of self-respect.
Her ‘punishment’ has far exceeded her ‘crime’.
Edition 323, 24 July 2012
To find out more about Rama Gaind click here.